TAMING THE ANGRY MONSTERS
A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO DEALING WITH YOUR CHILD’S RAGE
INTRODUCTION
You are in a department store. You’ve come to pick up a last minute birthday gift for a party your son’s best friend. The older kids have homework and you haven’t begun dinner preparations. You’ve worked all day and to say you are tired is an understatement.
Everything is going well so far. You’ve picked a present, card, wrapping paper, and more scotch tape. You are heading for the checkout stand when you see your four-year-old son, Charlie, holding a toy, pleading with you to buy it for him. You stand your ground and say no, calmly explaining that you did not come to buy him a present. You assure him that when it is his birthday, he will get presents.
You cross your fingers, roll your eyes, and say a silent prayer that he will accept this limit and you can get out of the store in one piece.
But despite your best attempt, the rage begins. Angry words, stamping, screaming, out of control yelling, and crying, reverberates throughout the store. Nothing you say calms down the raging child in front of you. In fact, the more that you try to reason with him, the tantrum worsens. All you can do is drag your screaming child through the checkout stand, smiling apologetically to the cashier, and get out of the store as fast as you can. You continue to drag Charlie to the car as a stream of threats and recriminations pour forth. “You are never going to the store with me again, unless you can control your anger.” “When we get home, its time-out for you.”
You finally arrive home. Charlie goes into his room and falls fast asleep. You eventually calm down, and in time, all will go back to normal. However, this latest rage in a public place has worn you down. You think to yourself, “What have I done to create such behavior?” You blame yourself and question your parenting.
First and foremost, these angry outbursts are not your fault. Stop blaming yourself. You have as much control over the origins of your child’s angry outbursts as you do with the color of his eyes.
Studies have demonstrated that in most cases, biological determinants are at the root of these explosive incidents. Children with these uncontrollable rages are often diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity, Reactive Attachment Disorder, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. (A more comprehensive review of these diagnoses will be discussed later on.). Certain children, as you will learn, do not have any of the above diagnoses; yet have immature neurological development that predisposes them to angry outbursts.
As we can see in Charlie’s situation, his anger was an immediate reaction to a perceived insult or rejection. The rejection can seem quite minor to a parent. For example, a parent saying “no” to something the child wants can trigger an intense period of screaming and sometimes hitting, kicking or biting.
During this time of anger overload, the child becomes totally consumed by his angry thoughts and feelings. He or she is unable to stop screaming, or in some cases, acting out physically, even when parents try to distract the child or try to enforce limits and consequences. The anger can last as long as an hour, with the child tuning out the thoughts, sounds or soothing words of others.
What happens to your child during these rageful episodes?
Let’s take a look at what is happening to your child as a result of these angry episodes.
Out of control anger is a frightening experience for your child. Children don’t know when, why, or how these fits of anger explode from within. They only know that for a period of time, their lives feel out of control. And for a child, that is very scary. They feel as if they have been invaded by an evil demon they can’t control. Further, they have no idea of why they get this way. So asking them to reflect on their behavior and explain it is useless. It’s about as impossible for them to understand why they experience this uncontrollable anger, as it would be for them to solve a complex algebraic equation.
Yet there are significant negative consequences for children who can’t control their anger. These children see themselves as unable to effectively deal with their environment, and therefore, they feel poorly about themselves. Their own anger overwhelms them, and as fears develop, their lives feel more out of control. They begin to see themselves as inadequate, and that leads to further frustration and anger.
Children who cannot regulate their emotions often develop social problems, as they appear immature, needy, and unpredictable. Other children will eventually shy clear of this type of child because of the anger that may erupt at any time.
And other adults and siblings respond to them differently; always on- guard waiting for the angry monster to appear. Thus, their relationships with you and siblings have deteriorated.
Why Does My Child Have This Anger?
There are many diagnoses given to children with anger problems. The most common is Attention Deficit with Hyperactivity (ADHD). If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, stimulant medication and behavioral therapy have mostly likely been recommended. However, you may still be having difficulties with your child’s anger issues. Children with attention problems are highly distractible, impulsive, and have a low frustration threshold. They are often overwhelmed by external stimuli, and thus react to this over-stimulation with angry outbursts and temper tantrums.
Children with attachment disorders also have significant anger problems. Children with a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder often have episodic rages. If your child is adopted, the anger that is expressed often reflects deeper issues with bonding. Abandonment issues are often manifested in angry outbursts and rage directed at the parent, usually the mother. The techniques you will learn in this pamphlet will be beneficial for your adopted child since self-regulation is a key ingredient for your child’s emotional development.
Another cause of rageful episodes is trauma. Early childhood trauma, such as sexual or physical abuse, can create deep chasms in your child’s psyche. The impact of a traumatic event on your child’s developing brain is profound and can have long lasting implications for your child’s learning and social growth. Irritability, depression, withdrawal, and anxiety, are key components of a traumatized child. These symptoms can often lead to many angry outbursts.
Other diagnoses such as depression and other mood disorders can predispose a child to anger, as well as prolonged physical illnesses. Anger issues are also prominent in children diagnosed by an occupational therapist as having sensory-motor integration problems (SI). These children are prone to sensory overload and often discharge their emotions in rapid-fire explosions of anger and frustration.
Whatever the diagnosis be, ADHD, attachment disorder, trauma, or SI, the exercises provided in this book will be highly effective in helping your child change behavior.
We know so much more about the brain than we ever did before. Scientific breakthroughs in brain scanning and imaging allows us to measure the impact of trauma on the brain, and helps us to understand what areas of the brain are impacted by different experiences. We know for example, that one of the most critical determinants of brain development is the child’s early experience. We also know that children’s brains are more plastic and easily molded in its early stages of development. We also know that there is a readiness time for learning certain skills such as language and reading.
Emotional regulation is a skill that is learned early in a child’s life. In the beginning, control of emotions comes from an external source, the infant’s caretaker. When the infant is hungry, cold, wet, or in need of touch, the mother is right there to eliminate these uncomfortable feelings. However, as the child matures, the child begins to learn how to regulate his or her own emotions. This learning comes from a combination of the child’s innate abilities and the teachings of parents, teachers, and peers.
Behaviors that will Escalate the Anger:
At times, parents will try to reason and talk to their angry child. The intent is good and this approach clearly displays awareness on the parents’ part to try and understand and empathize with the angry child. However, trying to process your child’s anger in the midst of an explosive incident will only serve to escalate the anger. As noted previously, your child does not know why he or she is behaving this way. In fact, trying to reason and talk to the angry child only serves to give the angry child attention and thus fuels the anger. You want to, as much as possible, ignore the angry behavior and reward your child’s attempts to regulate anger.
Another technique that is often used in helping children cope with anger, is to have the child pound on pillows, stuffed animals, pots, pans, etc. However, research has demonstrated that allowing children to discharge anger in this manner only serves to increase the” angry” neurons that are firing in the child’s brain.
Some parents use spanking as punishment. However, spanking will heighten your child’s anger and give your child an aggressive model for how to deal with frustration. A rageful child will react strongly to any type of physical contact, and therefore, it is best to refrain from physical restraint, or any type of physical punishment.
The Solution:
I have been working with children and their parents for the past twenty-six years and I have developed techniques to dramatically improve your child’s behavior.
The methods I am about to teach you do work. They can be used for children as young as three and are effective with preschool and school-aged children, as well as young adolescents.
If your child is unable to regulate his or her emotions, and attempts to control your child’s angry outbursts have failed, you now have a solution.
Not only will the techniques you are about to learn help your child deal with anger, they will teach your child self-regulation and control. In the end, your child will develop a better self-esteem and family and peer relationships will be enhanced.
The techniques you will learn in this book are effective and long lasting. If you follow the program outlined here, you will see significant improvements in your child’s behavior within the first month of implementing the program.
The exercises you will learn in this book will help you teach your child how to regulate emotions. With practice, patience, and perseverance, these techniques will work. Not only will your child’s angry outbursts diminish significantly, your child will develop a healthier self-esteem, and the relationship between you is your child will improve.
In writing this pamphlet, I have opened the door to my playroom and invited you in. You will learn how to do the very same techniques that I am doing in my work with children and you too will become an expert in managing your child’s anger.
CHAPTER ONE
PRINCIPLES OF BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT
Taming the angry monster will take a basic knowledge about children’s behavior. The foundation of the program I am about to teach you depends on your ability to manage a behavioral reward program.
Too often, I have heard from parents the following statements,
“ We’ve tried star charts and stickers, they worked for a little while, but then they just stopped working. My kid doesn’t care about them anymore.”
In this chapter you will learn why children appear to lose interest in the behavioral chart, and what could go wrong if you don’t apply the basic techniques of behavior modification. You will learn how to devise the most effective behavior chart and what to expect when you implement a reward program.
Principle #1: Good behaviors should be rewarded
Some parents are concerned about rewarding their children for things they “should do,” such as making the bed and cleaning up their toys. However, we all work for rewards. Salaries, promotions, good reviews, and pats on the back from our bosses are examples of positive rewards that keep us motivated and performing at our best. Children are no different. Learning when you do a good job you get a reward is a good lesson for children. Granted not all good deeds are rewarded. The good feeling you get when you did something well is called intrinsic reward and does not develop until later in adolescence.
Principle #2: Use positive reinforcement
Studies have shown that the use of positive reinforcement in the form of praise and rewards is much more effective in changing behavior. Not only does it shape the development of good behavior, it promotes a healthy, positive self-esteem in your child.
Make sure that your child is motivated by the reinforcement you choose. Special time with your child can be just as reinforcing as money, candy, or toys.
Principle #3: Reward each instance of positive behavior and frame a negative behavior with encouragement
Each sign of positive behavior should be rewarded by a star on the chart. It is important that if the child does not do the desired behavior that you not give a star. However, remind your child that if he or she doesn’t want to earn a star now, perhaps they will later or even tomorrow.
Don’t make the reward contingent on consecutive stars, rather have them earn a total number of stars to get the desired reward. Give your child one star for removing him or herself to the “Safe Place” and another star for engaging in a calming activity.
For example, Anthony needs to get five stars for his reward. He earns three stars in a row but the following day, he does not earn his star. He can still earn his reward however, because all he needs is a total of five starts. Thus, a good response for Anthony’s mother would be, Anthony, you have done so well making your bed and earning your stars, but today you didn’t earn one. That’s okay because I know that you will earn one tomorrow or the next day because you want to earn your prize.
Principle #4: Make the behaviors simple and concrete; choose behaviors that you can directly observe
Too often parents target behaviors that are difficult to observe and quantify. Behaviors such as: being nice to your brother, having a good attitude, or acting respectful, are too hard to define. If you use broad terms such as being “nice”, you will get into arguments with your child about whether or not he or she was “nice” to baby brother. The behaviors that you are going to target will be easy to record; either it happened or it didn’t.
Principle #5: In the normal course of changing a behavior, there will occur a spontaneous re-occurrence of the behavior
In the beginning, the star chart will work wonders. You will be amazed at the progress you child is making. However, somewhere down the road, perhaps in the third, fourth, or fifth week of the chart, your child has lost interest. He or she rants, “I don’t care about that stupid chart anymore,” and the behavior gets worse.
This is when most parents give up on the star chart. Yet we know that this seeming disinterest and protest is a normal part of behavioral change. It is a spontaneous re-occurrence of the behavior that often is worse than what was originally targeted. All animals do this and humans are no different. This is the tough part of the behavioral program. But stick with it! It will work eventually.
When this resistance flares up, it is important to keep the chart up and operable. You should respond to your child with the following: I know that you don’t want to do the star chart right now. But, we are still going to use it, so whenever you want to earn a star, you know what to do.
Now that you have some of the basic principles of behavior modification, it is time to learn the techniques.
CHAPTER 2
PREPARATION
You are going to teach your child how to manage anger by providing him or her with techniques your child can use when angry. It is important that you implement the techniques before your child’s full-blown rage sets in. Once a rage begins, it is difficult to intervene because of the intense emotional discharge that is occurring in the child’s brain. Whenever your child uses one of the techniques you are about to learn, he or she will be rewarded by receiving a sticker. A designated number of stickers will then earn your child a prize.
STEP ONE: TALK ABOUT THE ANGRY MONSTER
Start by explaining in age appropriate terms what you are planning to teach your child. I have always found it helpful to begin by reading the child a book about anger. There are many good books on the market about children’s anger. One that I find particularly effective with children, Sometimes I’m Bombaloo by Rachel Vail. This is an excellent book that illustrates how frightening it is when a child looses her temper and demonstrates how she makes her anger disappear.
You can frame your own child’s anger as “becoming “bombaloo,” or “angry monsters”. The latter is often effective in terms of explaining to children that we all have “angry inside of us that feels like an “angry monster.” These angry monsters can be frightening and make us do things we don’t want to do. Angry monsters get us into trouble. Explain to your child that you want to teach him or her how to control the angry monsters.
STEP TWO: MAKING THE CHART
Help your child make a sticker chart. You can be as creative as you wish, using rockets with launch pads for blast off, or a princess castle with steps to climb to the top. Decorate it with your child. Whatever the theme, make sure your child is engaged in decorating it with paints, crayons, or glitter. Have your child choose the stickers he or she wishes to use on the chart.
Explain in simple terms how the chart will be used. Select the reward and make sure that it is reasonable for your child to achieve this reward. The number of stickers that are needed to have a reward should not exceed eight. Remember that they can earn two stickers; one for going into the “Safe Space” and another for using one of the calming skills.
For younger children, you may want to lessen the amount of stickers needed to get a prize. I would suggest that if your child is a preschooler, you target six stars and increase the number for older children. However, the reward should always be attainable and for older school-age children a maximum of 10 stars should be required for the prize.
Make sure that you and your child chose a reasonable prize so you don’t burn a hole in your pocket by buying expensive toys. Remember that special time with a parent can be a motivating reward for your child.
STEP THREE: FIND A SAFE PLACE IN YOUR HOME WHERE YOUR CHILD CAN GO TO PRACTICE THE TECHNIQUES OF CONTROLLING ANGER.
Instead of referring to time-outs when the child goes into his or her bedroom to think about what he or she has done, you will be using the term, Safe Place, or Quiet Space. The change in terms switches the concept of time-out from a punishment to a reward.
Find a place in your home that can be used where the child can practice techniques for controlling anger. This place should be designated as “_______(your child’s name) Safe Place” and can be labeled using a sign that you and your child make together. Put this sign on the door of your child’s room or any place that you have designated as the Safe Place.
The Safe Place can be the child’s room, a large closet, a secluded corner of the home, or in a special tent placed in a quiet part of the home. The Safe Place should be out of the mainstream of you family’s hustle and bustle, and can afford the child a quiet and calm environment. Just by going to the quiet or Safe Place, whether or not your child actually does a calming skill, your child can earn a sticker. Learning to self-direct and remove oneself in times of anger is in itself, an important technique.
With the above in place you and your child are now ready to learn the techniques your child will be using to control anger.
CHAPTER 3
TECHNIQUES FOR CONTOLLING ANGER
The following skills I am about to teach you come from years of experience working with children who have anger problems. Some of them will be more effective than others, depending on your child’s personality. Learn them all and try them out with you child. If your child doesn’t respond to one of them, don’t worry; other techniques will be more effective. The point is to give your child concrete ways to cope with anger.
When teaching your child the technique, remember to use simple and easy to understand terms, and practice the technique with your child a number of times until you are certain that it is learned. Make it fun and rewarding. Laugh and enjoy yourself as you spend this valuable time with your child.
Prior to learning these techniques, make a poster board and label it “Angry Monsters Go Away”. When you are finishing learning a technique, draw a picture of it, or write it down on the poster so your child can refer to it and use it as a reference in the Safe Place. This chart will be critical for your child as a visual reminder of what he or she can do in the Safe Place to get rid of angry monsters.
Introduce one skill at a time. If your child is young (3-5 years of age), you should teach one skill each week. Older children can learn more skills per week.
LOCKING UP THE ANGRY MONSTER
This is the most effective skill that I have used with children. It incorporates the magical thinking of young children, hypnotic techniques, and brain related research in developing internal self-control.
Introduce this technique by asking your child if he or she believes in magic. Despite their answer, tell your child that you are going to teach them something that will make his or her brain do magic. Let them know that by learning this technique, the brain can make anger go away. Tell your child that he or she can control the brain and that the brain can work magic.
For this exercise you will need, construction paper, glue, paints, markers, or crayons, and scissors.
Have your child draw a picture of his or her angry monster. It can be done with crayons, paints, pencils, or whatever medium your child chooses. It doesn’t have to be human; it can be a picture of what it feels like to be angry using colors of paint or markers.
Now let your child know that the magic is going to begin by making magic strips that are going to lock up the angry monster and make sure that the angry monster does not come out.
Chose a color for the strips. Strips can be made out of construction paper. If your child can’t use scissors, have them tear out the strips slowly. You can also help assist in cutting the strips.
Before cutting the strips, tell your child, we have to make the strips magic now by saying something special. Create a simple and short rhyme with your child. Make sure that the rhyme has something to do with anger and also includes a statement about the child’s potential to control anger.
Some of the following are examples of what I have used with children:
Angry monster go away, I am stronger than you today.
Angry monsters don’t bother me, I can lock you up you see.
I can be strong today, angry monsters go away.
Practice these saying so your child can say it on his or her own.
Now cut the strips of construction paper while saying one of the above. You can say the rhyme with them, but make sure they are voicing the rhyme loud and clear. Cut the strips to the beat of the saying.
Once you think you have cut enough strips to cover your child’s picture, start gluing the strips over the drawing. Every time your child is applying the glue have him or her repeat the magic rhyme.
Repeat the rhyme each time your child applies the glued strips over the drawing.
Make sure that the strips cover the entire picture. Ask your child if he angry monster can still come out. Let your child continue to cover the drawing until he or she feels that the angry monster cannot escape.
After the project is complete, cut out additional strips using the magic rhyme but don’t glue them onto the picture. Put them in an envelope labeled magic strips or draw a picture of the strips if your child does not read.
Cut a hole on top of the project so it can be hung in the child’s safe or quite place. Place the extra magic strips near the child’s project.
Reassure your child that this magic will work.
Let your child know that sometimes the angry monsters get out anyway and we have to use more magic to make them go away. These strips are your magic and anytime you are angry you can glue them onto the magic angry machine and your angry monsters will go away.
Every time your child uses this technique by applying more strips while saying the magic rhyme, he or she will receive a star. You can help your child apply the strips, as long as he or she is engaged in the process and using the rhyme.
RELAXATION TECHNIQUES
Children have a natural proclivity for dissociation, or in other words, letting their mind drift to different places. Children are not used to focusing on their internal biological structures, such as muscles and organs, and, therefore are not used to turning inward. Children are more likely to turn outward for distraction.
Therefore, children need to be taught how to relax. Children’s relaxation exercises should be short, no long than seven minutes, and must be simple and easy to follow. Relaxation exercises for children should involve as much of the senses as possible, using sight, sound, smell, touch, and tactile sensations.
The following is an example of a relaxation exercise that incorporates all of the child’s senses. Have the child be in a comfortable position with eyes open or closed and say the following:
Imagine you are on a soft cloud. Feel the soft cloud under your head, your shoulders, your back, arms, hands, legs, and feet. You sink into the cloud. Feel the sun on your face. The sun is warm. The wind rocks the cloud back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It rocks you over a playground and you can hear the children laughing and playing. Now the cloud comes back down to earth and puts you right back where you are now.
Some children resist relaxation techniques. It is difficult for them to sit still long enough to get the benefits of the relaxation. But others love it and will be asking you to take them on the cloud again and again.
Another way to teach relaxation to your child is to have them blow bubbles. Have your child imagine the angry monster leaving his or her body, being trapped in the bubbles, and then disappearing. Have your child take deep breaths before blowing the bubble in order to get all of the angry monsters out of the body.
Yoga is also an effective way of channeling your child’s angry energy. There are cards that demonstrate yoga postures for children. Some of the yoga postures focus on the breath and are easy and fun to teach children. One particularly effective posture is the snake breath. This teaches your child how to slowly exhale the breath, which will in turn calm your child.
ABC Yoga Cards for Kids by HYPERLINK “http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&field-author=Christine%20Ristuccia&ie=UTF8&search-alias=books&sort=relevancerank”Christine Ristuccia is a good resource for helping your child learn yoga poses. Let your child choose the particular exercise or yoga posture, and remember that for the brain to respond to relaxation, there must be practice. Therefore, repetition is the key.
Magic Island: Relaxation for Kids by Betty Mehling is a good resource for teaching children relaxation techniques. A favorite technique for children is called progressive relaxation. Children learn to isolate each part of the body, tense it, and then allow that part of the body to relax. In this manner, children become aware of how it feels when their body is relaxed.
REFOCUSING
When children become angry, they want to discharge the anger, often in destructive ways. Anger is an uncomfortable feeling for any child and one of the toughest emotions for a child to process.
Very young children display their anger in fits of crying, hitting, and kicking. They will soon learn, however, that these displays of anger are unacceptable and will get them into trouble.
Eventually, the angry outbursts become less disruptive as children grow and learn to channel their anger into other more acceptable outlets. These children have a certain tolerance for the angry feelings that arise and normally do not act upon them.
However, for children who have difficulty learning to control anger, their minds are a landmine filled with potential explosives. Anything can set them off and therefore their rageful episodes are difficult to predict.
However, if you stop and think about the times your child has had uncontrollable rage, it is often when you have set a limit your child does not accept. Set the table, clean up your toys, we have to leave the playground now, you can’t have another fruit roll-up, put on your hat and gloves, or, I won’t buy you this toy today, may seem to be reasonable requests, but they are the ignitions for your child’s anger.
You have probably tried to change the focus of your child’s attention from the Skylander’s action figure he so desperately wants to the pizza he can eat when he gets home.
Yet, this doesn’t work. Although a child’s attention is short and easily distracted, the angry monster has awakened and he is not listening to reason or placations. And thus, you have to leave the grocery store, or wherever you may be at the time, because your child is out of control. Reasoning at this point is useless and the only thing you can do at this time is remove your child from the situation, go home, and wait for the storm to pass.
Refocusing attention is a skill that your child needs to learn and by exercising the ability to turn the mind to something else will strengthen your child’s internal flexibility.
Begin by having a number of activities available for your child. Play Dough, puzzles, coloring, and cutting and pasting are excellent ways to engage your child’s mind. Focusing on the details of coloring, tracing, or making a model airplane, help your child learn to quiet and steady the mind. Let your child help you identify those activities he or she likes to do and have them available in the Safe Place. Make sure that the activities you chose are simple and easy for your child to accomplish. Any activity that frustrates your child will intensify anger.
*************************************************************
You now have the skills needed to tame your child’s angry monster. By implementing this program, your child will develop self-regulatory skills that are critical for your child’s healthy development.
Remember that this program will work only if you are committed and are consistent. Keep in mind the basic principles of behavior management outlined in this book as you work through this program. These basic elements of changing behavior must be at the core of everything you do.
The following is a review of the steps to implement this program:
Introduce the concept of angry monsters,
Select a place in the home that you can designate as the Safe Place for your child where he or she can engage in the calming techniques,
Make a behavioral chart with your child,
Select the rewards,
Introduce the techniques to your child. This can be done slowly, learning one technique a week. (Reward your child with a star after he or she engages in learning a technique),
Write or draw these skills on a poster board so your child can use if for reference,
When you first notice anger in your child, remind him or her that this is a good time to earn a star and encourage a retreat to the Safe Place,
Encourage your child to use one of the skills learned to get rid of angry monsters,
Place a star on the chart when your child uses one of the skills.
Give your child a reward when your child earns the designated amount of stars.
Last Minute Reminders:
Remember that if your child becomes angry and does not want to go to the Safe Place, remain calm and try as much as possible to ignore the disruptive behavior. When your child is calmer, remind him or her that next time they have an angry monster, they can earn a star by going to the Safe Place and doing a calming exercise. Don’t ever force your child to go into the Safe Place. Remember it is not punishment; it is a learning center for your child.
Remain consistent, keep the star chart up, and make sure that the Safe Place continues to have the calming activities available for your child. Reward your child when he or she goes to the Safe Place before the anger monster sets in.
However, if your child goes into the Safe Place and continues to have rages, you only give them one star. They can earn the second star if they engage in a calming activity.
Controlling Your Environment as a Key Factor in Controlling Your Child’s Anger:
If your child has anger problems it is critical that, in additional to implementing the above program, you structure your child’s environment to minimize the potential for explosive angry episodes.
Children with anger problems are often overwhelmed by external stimuli in their environment. Their ability to buffer loud noise or violent images in movies or television, and tolerate intense touch such as wrestling, boxing, and other contact sports is compromised. Children quick to anger are often described as risk-takers and may be preoccupied by violent video games, movies, and aggressive play, such as army men and action-packed super heroes. These children need to have aggressive activities monitored, and significantly limited.
I often recommend to parents whose children have anger issues, to remove aggressive movies, video games, and any other violent stimuli from their home. Even movies that are rated PG-13 are often too violent for children.
We live in a violent world, where death, destruction, violence, and mayhem are represented to children as normal everyday occurrences. They become habituated to violence and need more and more destruction, killing, and explosive action to stimulate them. Therefore, it is up to the parents to monitor their children’s exposure to violence and help them understand that these types of behaviors are unacceptable.
The most recent surgeon general’s report, found strong evidence that exposure to violence in the media can increase children’s “aggressive behavior” in the short term and concluded that efforts to curb the adverse effects of media violence on children does lead to more cooperative and less aggressive behaviors in children.
In addition to violent video games and movies, I suggest that parents monitor their children’s computer use to make sure that their child is not being exposed to violence or adult sexuality on line. Any suggestion of adult sexuality over-stimulates children and may cause them to act out in an aggressive manner.
**********************************************************************
Congratulations! You have finished reading this book. You are now ready to implement a highly effective program that will change your child’s behavior, increase self-esteem, and improve your family relationships.
Please feel free to contact me by visiting my website at HYPERLINK “http://www.leighbaker.com” www.leighbaker.com for suggestions, feedback, and consultations.
Tags: child emotion rage, emotion, rage, temper tantrum
More than one million American families reported cases of sexual abuse in 2000. The perpetrators of these acts come in all shapes and sizes...
As a parent and a pediatric neuropsychologist, I really appreciate this expert insight into causes and solutions for a child’s anger and rage. I truly understand the difficulties that parents face in managing such emotional dysregulation. This text clearly exemplifies Dr. Leigh’s years of experience working with and treating some of the most challenging children.
I found this article to be so well written and easy to understand. All the content just resonated! The example about a child raging when buying a toy for a friend — it is like you were standing next to us in Target when it happened with our child! I plan to use these techniques! Will let you know how it goes! Thank you so much!